Does anyone here like Oprah? I know so many people love her, and yet at the same time, SO many people can’t stand her. Personally, I enjoy her! Today she is doing a new show called “Living the Best Life” or something like that, and it is basically about how embarrassed she is that she keeps losing and gaining weight. I’m so with her. It is so frustrating to lose weight and then gain it back and then have to lose it again – it is embarrassing!! I’ve done it like 4 times myself – lost all the weight, gained it all back, lost it again, gained it again, lost it yet again and gained it, lost and now, gained it. We’re not talking 20 pounds either – we’re talking 80 to 100 pounds each time! It’s crazy.

Anyhow, that isn’t what this post is about – well sort of I guess. I’ve spent the last few days reviewing the past year and trying to figure out where I went wrong. Now, I am NOT one for New Years Resolutions. Rather I’m one for setting goals. I have a lot of goals for this year all lumped into one – I’m going to become more healthy.

I’m 35 years old and I feel like I’m 50 sometimes. My back always hurts, I cough all the time from smoking and there are times I’m dirt poor, lol. Well that is going to change. Today I’m off to Walmart to try to quit smoking yet again – but this time I really want to. I am going to buy my Nicorette lozenges since I don’t like the patch or the gum. Then I’m coming back and getting on the treadmill, lol. My three main goals are:

To lose weight
To quit smoking
To become financially responsible

Of course I have mini-goals but I won’t bother you with those, but altogether I have 32 mini-goals to accomplish by the end of the year all lumped into those three main goals. I just am ready for some change that’s all.

Another thing I want to change is my relationships with people… meaning, I need new ones. I joined a couple of meetup groups online and am already set up to go to a couple of get togethers – even one this weekend! I’m determined to make new friends that have a variety of interests. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends – but 4 of those relationships are basically kids birthday parties, moms night in, and stuff we do as a group. I only have one friend that I can call and say “Let’s go out!” and quite frankly that isn’t enough for me. I’ve never really had a lot of friends, mainly because I’m a fairly closed person. People just don’t like the fact that I’m not very open, although I always thought I was. But I was wrong. I sure talk a lot and will spill my life story but rarely do I bring emotion into friendship and there are good reasons for that. One is just pure rejection. Even from friends I always seem to get rejected. Like I’m just never the one that they turn to first, I’m never “the” best friend – I’m always just “a” friend. That sucks you know? I want that chick flick movie friendship that always seems so perfect. You know, a Courtney Cox-Jennifer Aniston friendship. I’ll find it one day!

Okay, you know, I’m not sure if I’m rambling to you or myself, so I’ll end this on this note…. It’s not so bad if you try and fail at something, as long as you try in the first place. Eventually I’ll get it right!