I’m sure you all remember the saying… Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get. Well unfortunately for me, I never get the good kind. It’s been a hard road for me, and it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier. As usual I have hit a rough road financially that I need to dig myself out of – mainly because of the money I had to plunk down to bond myself out of jail. There has been little to no work available and I have to reevaluate yet again what I am doing with my life. One would think I would have taken the right road by now, but so far it has been only dead ends and alley ways…

When does life get any easier?

Today it seemed like I did nothing but drive around… when in reality I actually got a lot accomplished. I went to the bank, the dentist, the gym, the courthouse, Kohl’s and lunch… but everything seemed to take HOURS. The dentist itself took 3+ hours for god knows what reason, the courthouse of course took like an hour, the gym I was there for 2 hours… Kohl’s and the bank are the only thing that took a few minutes each! Now thankfully I am home, watching The Bachelorette… yes, I am a glutton for punishment :-) So far, I’m hoping Jillian picks the pilot (can’t remember his name right now) but I like him! I even enjoy Juan just a little bit ;)

I just can’t wait for tomorrow for Tori & Dean and RHONJ… that show is amazing! I love to see how these women live, as I often dream of having that much money! It would be a blast to be rich just for a day even… to be able to spend as much as I wanted, however I wanted to. I would fly to Las Vegas and totally live it up – gambling, spa treatments, a big luxurious suite, a fantastic expensive dinner and plenty of drinking… and then I come back to reality. Realizing I would probably buy a respectable gas efficient car, pay my bills, and maybe buy a house, lol.

Yesterday I went to a friend’s daughters dance recital and it was so cute! She was a little bumblebee and all the kids were adorable for sure. Hung at her house for a while and came home. Nothing major this weekend for sure, as I’m taking a break from the bar and from drinking in general. I think I want to really concentrate on my weight loss and getting healthy which unfortunately means less beer, less fast food and more exercise!

Yeah, I’m boring today… but that’s okay, I need a little boredom after my day!

* To say that I can’t stand Danielle on RHONJ is an understatement… she is a self absorbed lying woman who has nothing to do but whine, cry, and apparently kidnap, rob and beat people up (alleged of course!)

* I’m working out 5 days a week at the Institute of Lifestyle & Weight Management, and I can honestly say, I’m really enjoying it! Yesterday I had a stress done, and I passed with flying colors with the exception of the fact he told me I’m “de-conditioned” Yeah, no shit buddy! Otherwise I wouldn’t be there :-)

* I’m pretty much already sick of summer TV… reruns, reruns, and more reruns.

* Tori & Dean still make me happy on Tuesday night… it is on right after RHONJ so it’s like my 1 night of selfish, girly, eat popcorn on the couch TV :-)

* While at home on the computer, Farm Town on Facebook has really become my life. Who knew that I would love to plow and plant? You should see my farm, it totally rocks! But don’t worry, I’m still a Mafia Wars girl too ;)

* Only 17 days till my Myrtle Beach vacation! I’m still not sure what I will have for spending money while there, but it looks to be enough to have a decent amount, so that although my son and I will be on a budget, it won’t be TOO much of a budget that we can’t have a little fun! And the fact that I have a friend who will be there the first weekend, and a friend who will be there the second weekend, it should be a good time!

* I volunteered to staff a classroom on Friday for my sons kindergarten class… why, I’m totally not sure. The thought of dealing with 20 or so 5 and 6 year olds is already giving me serious anxiety.

Mentioning my Myrtle Beach vacation yesterday set me on a tangent… I was determined to make a full schedule of things to do, places to eat, free stuff, places I want to shop and so forth. And the kicker? I physically wrote it out – all 14 pages – back and front :-) Think I’m over scheduled a tad?

I love to vacation, mostly because I rarely do it. And I mean really really rarely. This time we’re staying for a full week which my son is totally thrilled about. The only problem is that we’re going the week before his 6th birthday which means he is still “underaged” for a lot of things that happen. For example, at the MB aquarium they have this sleep under the sharks thing – where you literally sleep in the shark tunnel with all of the sharks above and around you. How cool right? You have to be 6 though! But I was thinking about sneaking him in – it’s only $40 and it lasts all night which means I get to do some adult activities like hit the local bar without child :-)

Honestly, planning this trip gives me a lot to look forward to… and around this time of year I really need it. Summer is coming up (which I hate to be honest) and aside from my working out I don’t have too much going on. I’m at a complete standstill with my writing, which is completely frustrating, and I don’t have anything else to “do.” I am looking forward to my son being out of school so we can plan more playdates with my friends and so forth, and he’ll be going to camp which is really cool, but I need something for me.

I really want to go back to school but I don’t have the money which can be frustrating in itself. It is a total catch 22… I can’t further my career in anything if I don’t go back to school, and I can’t go back to school because I can’t get a decent job that pays decent money. I’m not sure writing is for me… the fact is, I need the socialization of being around people. Working from home is certainly a lonely job, and although it is wonderful to do whatever you want during the day, it is difficult getting motivated to do anything, nevermind the fact that it is becoming increasingly difficult to find writing jobs that pay decent money. At least not with my qualifications.

You know me, every 6 months or so I get into a funk, and I have to say that I am in one now. I can’t stand it either… it makes me feel crappy to complain, and it makes me feel crappy to see so many others happy and having a good life while I’m just not and don’t.

Ugh, see, I’m even depressing myself!

I’m so sorry blog friends that I haven’t visited you this week… I swear I’m on my way over right now!

As a woman, you would think that I would take care of certain things in my life… you know, like a real woman should. Things like shaving my legs, putting on makeup, and last but not least dying my hair. You would think I would do this right?

Um, no….

Not so much, as you can tell! I’m SOOOO bad at dying my hair when I should, and it is getting out of control. I saw my first gray hair when I was in high school, and it hasn’t stopped yet. I am completely gray if you take out all the dye that I presently have in my hair. At one point, I really did want to just let all the color come out of my hair and start over, but my friends put a stop to that quickly, lol. I think I may do the wash out hair coloring for a year or so and so that I can just go to a totally different color.

I don’t know, I’ve tried red and that’s okay, and of course I’ve been dark brown which is more like my natural color… but I was thinking blond! That might be a nice change of pace :-) The only problem is that my roots would be so incredibly noticeable even more quickly, so I don’t know.

All I do know is that I’m on my way to the store as we speak to buy some sort of hair dye… I think I need it :-)

Taking care of children isn’t hard… It’s taking care of anything else when you have children that is hard.

Isn’t that the truth!

Day 3 – Didn’t make it, had a few cigarettes
Day 4 – Had about 5 cigarettes
Day 5 – Back to not smoking again…

Today is day 5. The reason I am not smoking is a simple one and one that may actually help me. I was supposed to get a good sized paycheck deposited into my account. It is not there. I’m pissed. I have zero dollars to my name and it didn’t come in, and I don’t have a clue when it is going to. My car has absolutely no gas in it whatsoever, and I was literally gathering change yesterday to take my son out during his spring break. I’m in such a panic right now I can’t even tell you… and I can’t even tell you how much I want a cigarette. But its okay, I made it through 2 full days and 1 half day so I’m okay. I can do it – again ;) This is such an up and down roller coaster with the cigarettes, but I have to say, I notice the difference of when I wasn’t smoking to yesterday when I was. And I liked Monday and Tuesday way better.

I’m stressed, I have to figure out what I can do with these bills that I promised to pay today!